I haven't posted in several days. I have been back and forth about this whole banding thing. Am I doing the right thing? Did I really try as hard as I could? Pre-op diet has gone so well, can't I just be a pre-opper for life? And I've been feeling scared about the actual procedure. Could I really die if I do this? Do I trust the hands involved in this procedure?
Of course I thought about this all before I even made my decision to get banded but as the days have been getting closer these thoughts have been coming back and putting a real fear into me. I have cried tears over the past several days struggling with this and I can't believe I even almost made the call to cancel my surgery. I've really had to do some soul searching and finally just turned this all over to Jesus. I am at a calm about this now.
I am doing the right thing.
I did really try.
Sure, I could do a pre-opper diet, maybe even for life, but where is the rehabilitation in that?
Yes, I can die...but I can die if I don't do this.
Do I trust the hands of my surgeon? I trust Jesus to touch the hands of those that will be performing this procedure. I know I will be okay.
Am I really scared because I have been stuck with this addiction for so long? It is an addiction. This whole food thing. Everything about it. The compulsive pattern of eating. Because of my addiction, I spent the ages of 20-41 as an overweight to severely obese adult. I have never really enjoyed these years. I have been miserably fat. I am ready to not be stuck in this cycle of fat and diets that have not worked for me. I am ready to make a life style change....A LIFE STYLE CHANGE.
So, I am going into this tomorrow finally ready. I'm not afraid. NOT AFRAID. And I adopt this song "Not Afraid" by Eminem as my anthem. It's about addiction and rehabilitation. I have found it uplifting to me as I think about this awesome change that is about to happen.
To everyone else that is about to make this change, I am happy to be amongst them. We are really doing a positive thing for ourselves. For those that are already on the road ahead of me...kudos to them. I can't wait to get to where they are.
Thank you Diary....